Update

Hello. Sorry it has been a very long time since I have last blogged. I started a Youtube Channel. I have been vlogging on Youtube about my miscarriages, infertility, and TTCing. Here is the link to my Youtube Channel.

http://www.youtube.com/user/amweeks0504?feature=mhum

Please go check out my channel, and subscribe. I am now pregnant for the 5th time, and today I'm 30 weeks and 6 days pregnant!!! Please follow my journey.

Thank you

2nd Miscarriage

My second miscarriage was in July of 2006. I was 20 years old, and was still married to my first husband. We were not trying to get pregnant. In fact, we had just bought our first house a couple of months before I miscarried. I was pretty stressed out when I found out I was pregnant, because we needed both incomes in order to pay our living expenses. I was already worrying about the six weeks I would have to take off for maternity leave.

One night, after work I went to Wal-Mart to buy pregnancy tests. I couldn't wait to get home to take the test, so I took it in the bathroom at Wal-Mart. Within a couple of minutes I could see the positive line. I took another test the next morning, and again it was positive.

I called the doctor's office to make an appointment. However, I decided to go to a different doctor. Several of my friends had recommended their OB, so I decided to give them a try. I was informed when I called to make an appointment that the doctor would not see me until I was 8 weeks. I explained to her that I had had a previous miscarriage. She still said he would not move it up unless you have had 3 miscarriages. Great. So I waited.

One morning, in July I woke up cramping, and I went to the bathroom and was bleeding really heavy. I was one week away from going to my 8 week appointment. I woke my husband up and told him we had to go to the doctor.

All of the doctor's were booked for the day, so I was seen by the mid-wife. She was really nice. She did a pelvic exam, and told me my cervix was still closed. However, she told me with how heavy I was bleeding it didn't look good. She got me in to get an ultrasound to find out what was going on. The ultrasound tech could not tell me what I was looking at, or give me any explanations. I remember seeing a black oval sack on the screen. It was my first ultrasound, so I wasn't sure what I was supposed to be looking for. Thirty minutes after the ultrasound the mid-wife told me it was a blighted ovum. That is were there was a conception. The sack started forming and growing giving me the positive pregnancy test, but the baby never started growing. Even though this pregnancy was not planned I was still devastated. I left the doctor's office crying. It didn't help having to walk back out into the waiting room to leave the building. There were several pregnant women sitting there, or women that had already had their babies and were waiting for their postpartum check-up.

My husband and I didn't really say anything on the way home. Once home my husband decided to start playing video games. I was so upset. Not only because I had just found out that I had miscarried, but because I felt so alone. Later that night I passed the sack the baby was supposed to be in. Miscarriage simply sucks. For those that don't what to say after someone has gone through a miscarriage, a simple “I'm here for you.” works. As a friend or family member of someone that has miscarried or has had some other tragedy in their life try to make it a point to check in on them every once in while to make sure their feeling well.

My First Miscarriage

I wanted to start blogging about my life dealing with miscarriage. I hope to gain two things from blogging. One, I want to be able to help other women/men that might be dealing with miscarriage in their lives also. Two, I want to use blogging as a coping tactic for dealing with miscarriage myself.

I have had four pregnancy losses in 5 years. I will start with the beginning, and talk about my experiences over several blogs.

When I was around 14 years old I was set on never having kids when I grew up. Then, at 16 years old, I was set on wanting to become the CEO of a major corporation in NYC. I didn't want to get married, and I still never wanted to have children. My plans change when I met a boy that I work with at Dairy Queen. We started dating when I was 17, and we got married a couple of months after my high school graduation at 18. I started taking a few classes in college, because I still wanted to become something big.

MISCARRIAGE #1:

In April of 2005 was when I had my first miscarriage. My husband and I were not trying to get pregnant, nor were we doing anything to prevent it. My monthly cycles had been messed up every month since they had started. So it wasn't so uncommon for me to be two weeks late. The only reason I took a pregnancy test was because one of my friends told me I was being crabby. I had noticed that I had been more irritable than normal. One night, on my way home from work, I had a sudden thought—I'm pregnant!! It was the strangest feeling. A feeling that I just KNEW I was pregnant. I still remember exactly where I was when this thought occurred. I was stopped at a red light in front of a Taco Bell, in the small town I lived in.

I got a pregnancy test, and took it later that night. I stared at the test, and within seconds it was positive. You never forget the feelings, thoughts, or the feeling of you heart pounding when you see that the test is positive. I was 19 years old, and both scared and excited. I had so many questions, thoughts, and feelings soaring through my head. I guess I was in shock and denial, because I immediately took a second test. It too came out positive.

The next day I was excited to tell EVERYONE the good but scary news. I was also so stressed, because we had new insurance. I didn't know how insurance worked. I didn't have a girly doctor that I saw regularly. I knew I needed to find one. So I searched through the doctor directory we received when we enrolled in our insurance plan. I was freaking out because I didn't really understand how to search for a doctor using it. So I called the number for customer service on the back of my insurance card. The customer service rep told me there were no OB/GYN in my area that accepted my insurance. !!!???What!!!??? I broke down and cried. What the H was I supposed to do?

Later, that night at work I went to the restroom and I was bleeding. I was the manager at the store I worked at, so I had to leave a crew member in charge. I left called the ER and spoke with a very kind doctor that was on call that night. He told me to lay down and elevate my legs, and to try a get rest. Since, I had not seen any doctor yet about my pregnancy he told me to come into his office the next morning. All night I passed huge clots of blood. It was so gross, and reminded me of chopped liver.

The next morning I went to this doctor, not knowing if they even took my insurance or not. Fortunately, they did take it and they got me right in to see the doctor. The test at the doctor's office came out positive, but when they did an ultrasound they could not find a viable pregnancy. I had already passed the baby.

I only knew that I was pregnant for a little over a day. Some people may not understand why it was so hard for me to deal with it knowing I was pregnant for only one day, but I think a lot of it was the emotional ups and downs that happen in such a short amount of time. All of the emotions that came with finding out. Then, the freaking out emotions withing the insurance issue. The worst of all having the rug pulled out from under me knowing it was all gone. The doctors didn't test me to see what had happened with the pregnancy. Miscarriage is somewhat common from what I have read and what doctors have told me. About 25% of diagnosed pregnancies end in miscarriage. While, it is thought that over 50% of conception end in miscarriage. In other words, many women conceive but lose the pregnancy before they know they are pregnant. I'm not 100% sure on the statistics, but regardless the statistics don't make coping with a pregnancy loss any easier.